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Your child asks you not to come to annual day. At the PTM, they answer the teacher before you can. With friends around, they wince when you speak Marathi or Tamil. It hurts, and you are not alone: many Indian children study in English while their families speak another language at home.
Why is my child embarrassed that I don't speak English?
At school, English often feels like the language of belonging. When a parent speaks another language in front of friends, a pre-teen can feel that everyone is looking at them. It is about fitting in, not about what you are worth.
Language and closeness go together. In a study of over 620 adolescents from East Asian, Filipino and Latin American immigrant families, those who spoke different languages with their parents reported less cohesion and discussion with them than peers who shared a language; those who spoke the native language together reported the most (Tseng and Fuligni, Journal of Marriage and Family, 2000). Over two years, relationship quality predicted later language use, not the other way round, which suggests a warm bond helps the shared language last.
Does speaking our home language hold my child back?
No, and India's own education policy says the opposite. The National Education Policy 2020 states that young children “learn and grasp nontrivial concepts more quickly in their home language/mother tongue” and asks for teaching in the home language where possible until at least Grade 5 (NEP 2020, paragraph 4.11/Chapter_4)).
Worldwide, UNESCO data shows that 40% of people do not have access to education in a language they speak or understand (UNESCO, 2024).
Your support doesn't need to be in English either. A meta-analysis of 50 studies of parental involvement in middle school found that parental involvement was linked to higher achievement, with the exception of help with homework, and that what the authors call academic socialization had the strongest link (Hill and Tyson, Developmental Psychology, 2009). Talking about why school matters and what your child hopes to do next works in any language. More ideas: helping your child with English when you're not fluent.
What should I say when my child is embarrassed by me?
Don't argue at the school gate. Talk later, in private, when you are both calm. A script to adapt:
Name it without blame: “I noticed you didn't want me to talk to your friends today. Did something happen, or did it just feel awkward?”
Share your story: “I studied in our language at school. My English is basic, and I'm still proud of what I learned.”
Ask what would help: “At the PTM, should I ask the teacher directly, or would you like to help with one part?”
Set one limit: “You're allowed to feel embarrassed. You're not allowed to be rude to me or your grandparents about how we speak.”
End with pride: “Our language is part of you too. You get to have both.”
How do I handle a PTM or school event without fluent English?
A checklist for the next meeting or event:
Write three questions in your language the night before, then put them into simple English with a translation app.
Open with one line: “My English is basic, please speak slowly.”
Bring the diary or report card and point to what you mean.
Repeat back what you heard: “So the maths homework is late, and I should check the diary each night. Correct?”
On the way home, tell your child one good thing the teacher said first.
At annual day, you don't have to speak at all. Showing up and clapping is what counts.
A steady, polite relationship with the class teacher matters more than perfect grammar; see how to build a good relationship with your child's teacher.
How can we learn together at home?
Turn the gap into a swap. A weekly plan:
Two evenings, 10 minutes each: your child teaches you five English words from their textbook, and you teach them the same five words in your language.
One evening: your child explains a lesson to you in your home language. They cannot just repeat the textbook line, so you both see what they understand.
One weekend meal with family stories in your home language.
One shared page in your language; here is how to get your child reading in their mother tongue.
If maths or science homework is where you feel shut out, Fermi's AI tutor works out what your child already knows and builds a plan for the session, so you can sit beside them and ask them to explain each step back in your shared language.
Details are on the official Tele MANAS site. This week, pick one line from the script and one item from the plan, and start there.
