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Many parents know they should talk to a young child about safe and unsafe touch, but not which words to use or what to do if the child tells them something. Here are both, with a script.
Why talk about safe and unsafe touch so early?
Because the risk is not rare. The government's Study on Child Abuse: India 2007, published by the Ministry of Women and Child Development and based on surveys of about 18,000 children, young adults and stakeholders in 13 states, found that 53.22% of children reported facing one or more forms of sexual abuse. Most cases, it said, took place within the family environment.
Teaching helps. A Cochrane review by Walsh and colleagues (2015) pooled 24 trials of school-based programmes with 5,802 participants. Children who took part knew more about protecting themselves. In three trials, children exposed to a programme were more likely to disclose abuse, though that result was less certain. The review found no increase or decrease in children's anxiety or fear. These were school programmes, not home talks, but a calm conversation need not frighten your child; silence leaves them without words.
What words should you use with a young child?
Use the real names. The American Academy of Pediatrics, writing on HealthyChildren.org, advises teaching proper names for all body parts, including penis, vagina, breasts and buttocks, because made-up names may give the impression that those parts are bad or a secret. A plain word in Hindi or your home language works too; a "chhi chhi" word does not.
The same AAP page gives a simple definition: private parts are the parts usually covered by a swimsuit, and they should not be looked at or touched without your child's permission.
Then give three categories:
Safe touch: hugs from people you like, a high five, holding hands to cross the road.
Unsafe touch: anyone touching your private parts, or asking you to touch theirs, or any touch that hurts or scares you.
Confusing touch: a touch that feels odd, even from someone you know.
Explain the exceptions plainly: a parent helping with a bath, or a doctor checking them while you are in the room.
Let your child refuse affection they do not want, even from relatives. Stop It Now's tip sheet gives an example: if your child does not want to give Grandma a kiss, let them shake hands instead.
A five-minute script for ages 3 to 7
Pick a calm moment, such as bath time, and repeat it every few weeks.
"Your body belongs to you. Private parts are the parts your chaddi or swimsuit covers."
"Nobody should touch your private parts, or ask you to touch theirs, or show you pictures of them. Not a stranger, not a relative, not a big child."
"If someone tries, you can say no, run away, and come and tell me."
"We don't keep secrets in our family. Surprises are okay, like a birthday gift, because everyone finds out soon. A secret that makes you feel bad is never okay."
"If anyone says something bad will happen if you tell, tell me anyway. You will never be in trouble for telling me."
"Who would you tell if I wasn't there?" Let them answer.
The secrets-and-surprises line follows Stop It Now: surprises are joyful and revealed after a short time, while secrets exclude others.
How do you choose trusted adults with your child?
Stop It Now suggests talking with your child about who you both trust, and giving them permission to talk to those adults whenever they feel scared, uncomfortable or confused. Try the hand exercise: trace your child's hand on paper and write one trusted adult on each finger.
Include at least one person outside the home, such as a class teacher or a neighbour aunty, in case the problem is inside it.
Let your child choose some names; children tell people they feel safe with.
Tell each adult they are on the list, and check the list again when schools, tutors or vans change. Our safety rules for a home tutor cover one common gap.
What should you do if your child tells you something?
The AAP advises reassuring children that you will listen to them and believe them. In practice:
Stay calm. Say, "Thank you for telling me. You did the right thing."
Listen without pressing them with repeated questions. Write down their words.
Do not confront the person in front of your child.
Call Child Helpline 1098. The Ministry of Women and Child Development says it is integrated with the 112 emergency line and has control rooms working round the clock. Talk to your child's doctor as well.
If you feel shaken yourself, Tele MANAS at 14416 is a toll-free, round-the-clock mental health helpline.
Everyday chats make big ones easier; these after-school questions that get real answers help you build that habit. And when a curious child wants to know how the body works, start with these ways to teach children about the human body at home, and later the biology lessons in the Fermi Concept Library.
