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The report cards come home. One child did well; the other got 38 in maths. By dinner the younger one is calling her elder sister "38-wali", and everyone laughs except her. The research suggests you should not, and the fix is simpler than it sounds: one rule, two conversations and your own example.
Is sibling teasing about marks just normal rivalry?
Some of it is. A parent guide from SAARA, a sibling aggression research initiative at the University of New Hampshire, describes teasing, yelling and bickering as mild conflict, and says parents should not ignore aggressive sibling behaviour or dismiss it as harmless (SAARA Bulletin 2, 2023).
Teasing deserves more attention when it becomes a pattern: the same child, again and again, with the teaser holding more power. In a US national sample of 3,599 children and teenagers aged 0 to 17, those who experienced sibling aggression in the past year, including psychological aggression, reported more mental health distress, and sibling aggression predicted worse mental health independently of peer aggression (Tucker and colleagues, Pediatrics, 2013).
A UK cohort study of over 6,900 children found that those frequently bullied by a sibling at age 12 were about twice as likely to have depression at 18 (Bowes and colleagues, Pediatrics, 2014). These studies show links, not proof that every joke causes harm, but they are reason enough to act early.
How do you set a family rule against mocking marks?
Pick a calm moment, not the minute after a fight, and say it to everyone at once. The SAARA guide suggests families develop a shared understanding that aggressive behaviour is not allowed for any family member (SAARA Bulletin 2). For marks, the rule can be one line: "In this house, nobody's marks are a joke. We can talk about results; we don't use them to hurt."
Then make it concrete:
Not allowed: nicknames built on a score, telling relatives or friends someone else's marks, mimicking, sharing a mark in a family WhatsApp group.
Allowed: "How did it go?", "Do you want help with that chapter?", and keeping quiet about your own score if it would sting.
If the rule is broken: the teaser repairs it, with an apology in their own words and one kind act that day, rather than a long punishment.
The rule covers adults too.
What should you say to each child?
Talk to them separately first. The SAARA guide warns against blaming the child who was hurt for being "overly sensitive", and says that if a child tells you they are being harmed, believe them.
To the child who was teased: "I heard what was said about your marks. That wasn't okay, and it's not your fault. One test doesn't decide who you are. Do you want to tell me how it felt?"
To the child who teased: "You're not in trouble for being a bad person. You're in trouble for what you said. What can you do to fix it?"
Then bring them together. The SAARA guide sets out a four-step mediation: agree ground rules (listen to one another, the children take responsibility for solving it), name the problem and where they already agree, discuss each child's point of view, and let the children propose and agree a solution. Don't take sides or settle it for them. In a trial with 48 families of children aged 5 to 10, parents trained in formal mediation reported that their children used more constructive strategies and compromised more often than children in control families (Smith and Ross, Child Development, 2007).
A worked example: the younger child agrees that score nicknames stop, and the elder sister asks that her marks are never mentioned in front of cousins. Both say it aloud, and you check in after a week.
How do you model respect around marks?
Children copy the way you talk about results. Discuss what went wrong in a paper, not where a child ranks. Our guides on talking about report cards with a sibling in the room, when a younger sibling scores better than the elder and stopping siblings fighting over who scored better go further.
If your child doesn't know where to start fixing it, Fermi's AI tutor can work out what they already know and build a plan for the session, so the next step is a chapter, not a feeling.
When is it more than teasing?
The SAARA guide lists subtle clues, such as a child avoiding being at home alone with a sibling. It says parents must stop aggressive behaviour straight away, and that mediation will not work, and could make things worse, when there is a persistent pattern of harm with a power imbalance between siblings. If you believe that kind of harm is happening, seek help from a mental health or medical professional.
The Tele MANAS numbers and service come from the Press Information Bureau's October 2024 note. Start tonight with the one-line rule, and say it to yourself first.
