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The adults usually settle a move, and the child hears last. How you share the news, and how much say they get afterwards, shapes how the move feels to them.
When should you tell your child you are moving?
Tell them once the move is certain, and well before the packing starts. Dr Jamie Howard, a clinical advisor to the Child Mind Institute, puts the reason simply in the institute's guide to moving with kids: "It's much easier to deal with something that's expected than it is to be shocked and unprepared for a stressor."
Don't wait until the last few days. Dayton Children's Hospital's On Our Sleeves programme, in advice on talking to kids about moving, says to tell children as soon as you know and to use clear words such as "We are moving" rather than "going away for a while".
Age matters most for teenagers. A national Danish cohort study followed 1,475,030 people born between 1971 and 1997 into their early forties. Childhood moves were linked to higher risk on every outcome studied, risk rose with the child's age at the move, and the sharpest spikes were for several moves in one year in early and mid-adolescence. This is an association, not a forecast for your child, but it is a good reason to give a 14-year-old more notice and more say than a 6-year-old.
What should you say to your child about moving?
The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) advises parents to "explain clearly to the children why the move is necessary". Cover four things: why, where, when, and what stays the same.
Ages 4 to 7: "Papa's office is moving to Pune, so we are all going to live there. We will go after your summer holidays. Your bed, your toys and Bruno the dog are all coming with us."
Ages 8 to 12: "Amma has a new job in Hyderabad. We move in May, before the new school year. Let's look at your new school on the map, and you can help choose your room."
Teenagers: "I've accepted a job in Bengaluru and we plan to move in June. I know this affects your school and friends more than anyone. I want to hear what worries you, and I want you involved in the decisions we can still make."
Then stop and listen. Expect the same questions several times. AACAP notes that pre-teens and teenagers "may repeatedly protest the move".
How can your child help plan the move?
AACAP and the Child Mind Institute both suggest giving children a hand in the move, from helping to pack to having a say in their new room. Jobs by age:
Choose or arrange their own room.
Pack a "first night" box: bedsheet, a favourite toy or book, photos.
Explore the new city on a map: the school, a park, a place to eat.
Older children can compare two schools online and say which they prefer.
Keep routines going: the same mealtimes and bedtimes, even among the boxes.
Visit the new school before the first day if you can. The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests visiting a new school before the first day and attending any orientation or tour.
From Class 9 up, a move can also mean a new board or syllabus. If the new class is ahead on a chapter, Fermi's AI tutor can work out what your child already knows and build a plan for the session, so they sit down to a clear next step.
How do you help a child say goodbye to friends?
On Our Sleeves suggests keepsakes such as a photo album, and putting the next meeting, in person or online, on the calendar. A plan for goodbyes:
Hold a small farewell, with your child choosing who comes.
Make a memory book that friends can sign.
Collect phone numbers, with the other parents' permission.
Fix a first video call for the week after you arrive.
Say goodbye to places too: the school gate, the chai stall, the terrace.
The Child Mind Institute notes that children can stay in touch with old friends while forming deep connections in the new place. Tell your child it isn't disloyal to like the new class.
What should you watch for after the move?
The first few weeks are usually unsettled. AACAP lists signs to watch for: changes in appetite, social withdrawal, a drop in grades, irritability, sleep problems, or other dramatic changes in behaviour or mood. If these last, talk to your family doctor or paediatrician, who can refer you to a child and adolescent psychiatrist.
You can also call Tele MANAS, the Government of India's mental health helpline, which the Press Information Bureau describes as free and available 24/7.
Start the conversation this week, not the week the truck arrives.
