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If your child comes home from Dadi's house after a whole afternoon of cartoons, your parents or in-laws are probably not ignoring you on purpose. A phone is often the easiest way to keep a lively three-year-old still while lunch gets made. The fix is a short conversation, a few rules everyone can remember, and better things for grandparents to do instead.
Why do grandparents hand over the phone so often?
In a 2025 University of Arizona survey of 350 US grandparents who regularly look after grandchildren aged 2 to 10, published in the Journal of Children and Media, children spent nearly half of their time with grandparents using screen media. For their last visit, grandparents reported an average of about seven hours together, including about two hours of TV and another hour of games or internet, according to the university's summary.
Grandparents in the study more often monitored or restricted what children watched than watched alongside them, and more media-related disagreement was linked to lower satisfaction in the grandparent-parent relationship.
Screen time is a common flashpoint. In a 2020 US poll of 2,016 parents by C.S. Mott Children's Hospital, 43% had asked a grandparent to change their behaviour to match the parents' rules, and 36% of parents who reported disagreements named TV or screen time. When parents asked for a change, 47% said the grandparent changed, while 36% said the grandparent agreed but did not change.
Agreement in the room is not change at home, so rules must be simple enough to follow when you are not there.
What do screen-time guidelines say for young children?
The World Health Organization does not recommend sedentary screen time for children under 2, and advises no more than 1 hour a day for ages 2 to 4, with "less is better."
The Indian Academy of Pediatrics guidelines (Indian Pediatrics, March 2022) say children below 2 should not be exposed to any type of screen, and children aged 2 to 5 should have at most 1 hour a day, in sessions of no more than 20 to 30 minutes.
For under-2s, the IAP says screens should not be used to help a child eat or to calm a crying child. For ages 2 to 5, it advises no screens during meals or within an hour before sleep, and says caregivers should always supervise screen time.
How do I talk to grandparents about screen rules without a fight?
Pick a calm moment, not pickup time. Thank them, ask one question, then make one request. A script you can adapt:
"Thank you for looking after Aarav. He loves being with you, and it gives us real peace of mind."
"The paediatricians' guidelines say no screens at meals and only a little screen time at his age. Could you help us with that?"
"What makes the afternoons hardest? Is it while you cook?"
"Could we try this: no phone while eating, and one cartoon after his nap, sitting with you?"
"Let's try it for two weeks and talk again."
Keep it to two or three rules, and show the IAP guidance so the advice comes from paediatricians, not you. If the grandparent is your in-law, it can help if their own child leads the conversation.
What can grandparents do instead of the phone?
The WHO guidance encourages reading and storytelling with a caregiver when children are sitting still.
Storytelling: family stories, mythology, songs from their own childhood. Our guide to dialogic reading with young children turns a picture book into a conversation.
Kitchen help: washing vegetables, counting rotis, sorting dal. Everyday maths talk with young children fits naturally here.
A "Dadi box": crayons, a ball, blocks and a book that stay at their home.
Watching together: one episode, side by side, talking about it after.
For older grandchildren at school, screen time can be shared and active. The Fermi Simulation Lab has interactive simulations for ideas that are easier to see than to read, which a grandparent and grandchild can explore together.
How do I keep screen rules the same across both homes?
The IAP guidelines note that children feel secure and self-regulate better when boundaries and rules are laid down. A one-page plan helps.
Write the two or three rules on a card for the fridge in both homes.
Agree where the phone lives during visits: on a shelf, not in the child's hands.
Follow the rules yourself. The IAP guidelines ask parents to role-model healthy media use.
Keep one agreed treat, like a Sunday film with Dada, so grandparents still get to be the fun ones.
Review after two weeks and adjust together.
As children grow, the rules shift towards homework. Our post on phones and homework rules that research supports covers that stage.
If you are worried about your child's development, sleep or behaviour, talk to your paediatrician. If family stress is weighing on you, the government's toll-free Tele MANAS helpline is on 14416.
