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"Ma'am hates me." When your child says this, you may want to protect them and also to tell them to stop exaggerating. Neither is a good first move. Listen first, then check what happened over a week or two, and only after that decide whether to raise it with the school.
Why does my child say the teacher hates them?
"Hates me" is usually shorthand. It might mean being told off in front of the class, a mark that felt unfair, never being picked to answer, or being compared with a classmate. Sometimes the teacher is being unfair. Sometimes it is a bad week, or your child's own behaviour is part of the story. You won't know until you hear the details.
The feeling still deserves attention. A 2011 meta-analysis in the Review of Educational Research by Debora Roorda and colleagues pooled 99 studies from preschool to high school. It found that the emotional quality of teacher-student relationships was linked to how engaged students were at school, with medium to large associations. A child who believes a teacher dislikes them may quietly stop trying in that subject.
How do I listen without making it worse?
Pick a calm moment, not the minute they walk in. Keep your voice neutral. Try this script:
Open: "You said Ma'am hates you. That sounds horrible. What happened?"
Get specifics: "When was that? What exactly did she say? Who else was there?"
Check for a pattern: "Is it every class? Does she do this to anyone else?"
Look at their side, gently: "What was going on just before?"
Close: "Thank you for telling me. Let's decide together what to do."
Don't promise to "sort her out" tomorrow, and don't say "you must have done something". Either one teaches your child to stop telling you things. Our guide on talking to teens about marks covers the wider skill.
How can I check the facts calmly?
For one to two weeks, gather evidence quietly:
Keep a dated note of each incident: what happened, the words used, and who saw it.
Read notebook remarks and test papers for the teacher's comments and marking.
Notice changes at home: dreading that subject, stomach aches on certain days, skipped homework.
Ask another teacher a neutral question: "How is my child doing in class generally?"
Worked example. Riya, in Class 8, says her maths teacher hates her. Her notes show three incidents in ten days. Each time she was told off for talking, and twice her homework wasn't done. The notebook remarks are short but fair. This is a real conflict, not hatred, and part of it is that Riya is behind in maths. Kabir's notes, by contrast, show the teacher calling him "duffer" in front of the class on four separate days. That needs a different response.
If the friction comes from a subject your child has fallen behind in, closing the gap can ease things in class. Fermi's AI tutor works out what a student already knows and builds a plan for the session, so catching up starts from where your child actually is.
When should I raise it with the school, and how?
Use what you found to choose a level:
Coach at home for a one-off, or when your child's behaviour is driving it. Plan what they will do differently and check in again in two weeks.
Meet the teacher when there is a pattern of unfair treatment. Bring your dated notes and describe instead of labelling: "On 3 and 10 March, Kabir says he was called 'duffer' in front of the class. Can you help me understand what happened?" Prepare with our questions for a parent-teacher meeting.
Go to the principal or school counsellor if the meeting changes nothing, or straight away if the behaviour is humiliating.
India's NCPCR guidelines on eliminating corporal punishment define mental harassment as any non-physical treatment that harms a child's academic and psychological well-being. Their examples include hurtful sarcasm, name-calling, shaming a child to make them perform, and belittling a child for not meeting the teacher's academic expectations. The guidelines quote Section 17 of the Right to Education Act, 2009, which covers children aged 6 to 14: "No child shall be subjected to physical punishment or mental harassment." They also say state child-rights commissions (SCPCRs) can inquire into complaints about a child's right to education, which matters if a school ignores clear harassment.
What if it is affecting their mood or sleep?
If your child seems persistently low, can't sleep, refuses school or talks about hurting themselves, their wellbeing comes before the teacher question. Talk to your family doctor or a qualified counsellor, and read our guide on when exam stress needs professional help. Tele MANAS, India's national mental-health helpline, offers free counselling at any hour on 14416 or 1800-891-4416, according to this Tele MANAS information page.
Tonight, start with step one: ask what happened, and listen to the whole answer.
